I like that we haven’t been connected at the hip lately.
I don’t like that I feel like we haven’t been connected at all.
I’m so fucking lost.
The fuck am I supposed to do now?
Just under my photo, there’s green text that says “Organ Donor.” When I was 16 and getting my driver’s license, they asked me if I’d like it printed there. I’d heard the rumors. People said if you were an organ donor, paramedics wouldn’t work as hard to save your life. I called bullshit. Print it. Take my heart for someone who needs it. You can’t take it with you.
Third period of my first day of high school, my teacher walked in and told us he wanted an essay from everyone about dying empty. I found it morbid. I was young, full of life and I was sure as shit planning to die fulfilled. I wanted to soak up every ounce of this life. I wanted to see every corner of the world and so empty was not an option for me. Of course, that’s not what he meant.
I think I was 18 when I truly realized that I don’t believe in god. The last hurdle for me was the same as it is for a lot of people. We’re afraid to die and rightfully so. Religion quells some of that fear. The idea of an afterlife is comforting. You do some nice things, you give 10% of your income to the church, you follow the rules and you get an everlasting paradise.
I’ve relegated myself to the idea that this is the only shot I’ve got. I’ve started to understand what my 10th grade English teacher was talking about. For me, there’s no eternity, no reincarnation, no pearly gates. For me, the only shot at being infinite I have is to leave a legacy worth remembering. I wasn’t born empty. We’re not shells waiting to be filled in by the world. We aren’t a collection of the things we’ve seen. We’re born with something to offer. We’re born full of potential. Potential to change the world. Potential to break down walls. We’re born full of life and I’m pouring mine out everyday. I’m giving it to everyone I meet because someday, I’m gonna die; we all are, and when that day comes, you can’t take it with you.
Nothing will ruin your 20’s more than thinking you should have your life together already.
I won’t tell you that you’re beautiful. I’m sure you’ve heard that a million times, but I will say this, your smile is a house that I would like to visit more often, and your hugs feel like the home that I’ve been searching for my entire life.